On Top of the World

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you could just go out and conquer the world?! And you just wish you could bottle that day up and keep it forever? Yes? Well today has definitely been one of those days for me and it's not even over yet! For the first time since making the choice to change my thoughts, words and behaviors, I was made aware that I have changed. Realizing this made me soar. A smile 15 1/2 feet wide has been been on my face since that moment. Between that pivotal moment, a crazy awesome water aerobics class, valuable time and learning with my goddess teacher and beautiful laughs.conversation.tea.and.coffee. with a truly amazing friend and then a freeing bike ride down to the battery in Charleston sunset, I have become lost in my own happiness; it is AWESOME.

How can this not make you feel amazing?

Would you believe me if I told you that amidst all of this intoxicating happiness that I also cried for awhile today? It's true. And I'm happy it happened. In fact, if it hadn't, I don't think my day would have been as spectacular. What I have learned: experience feelings as they come in and then let them go. Well today something became very clear to me, for the first 25ish years of my life I have been pushing away and storing feelings of anger, sadness and resentment towards people who choose to judge me based on my condition. As a child I learned that crying was seen as a sign of weakness. So when I was made fun of or encountered public judgement, I suppressed my feelings and pasted a smile on my face. Just imagine the pent up feelings over such a vast span of time. All of that shit can't stay in my heart forever and today I let a little bit of it out. Let me tell you, I felt SO much lighter afterwards. SO next time you experience those feelings, don't push them away. Let them in and feel them. Cry or channel the energy in a safe effective way and then let them go. But really feel those difficult emotions; sadness, fear, anger. Observe them. Don’t fear them or run from them. Instead make the choice to live with them and learn from them.

The time you spend doing feeling and observing will begin to have a healing effect on you. Given  time you will notice the bad feelings start to soften and melt. Allowing the feelings to come in and then leave will become a breeze. Give it time. It is all a process and a beautiful one at that. Trust me :)

Love.